Monday, December 26, 2011

New Year's After

It's the end of December;
you arrive in dreams, father,
ever-punctual, assertive, persistant

For what better day for you to have left
than one you're sure we'll all remember;
new year's day belongs to you now

In this season of far-too-high expectations,
of forced and lost connections, we spend 
a manic, melancholy month pretending 
we're not preparing to say goodbye

Yours an annual, never-ending wake; 
established to ensure that our attention 
follow you into your version of the ever-after 

Was that what you intended? 

You appear before me, mute;
unable to share that you watch us 
as we battle our assigned roles, 
uneasy, but familiar 

I sense the discontent and restless ache
for your child bride and sons; 
victim, reluctant saint, and unlikely protege
still lost - unseen - in pursuit of 
what they think you think mattered 

I remain the fighter, 
weary with all the work left to do;
I serve as the one who sifts 
through all that you endured 
but never meant to pass on, 
the abuse, neglect and loss 
tangled in our threaded DNA 

Each year I understand more
what I can't fail to remember;
your path just one step away from,
mine one step more towards 

Father, I hear you -  
words are not necessary 

Your legacy becomes my 
try-and-try-again purpose 
to be all that you could not 

I read your lips -      
"forgiveness, humility,  
honesty, compassion," 
say goodbye, renewed