Sunday, December 01, 2019
The Hours
at 1:32 am what I've
not made room for
arrives like a rip tide
insistent, deeper
than the hours moving
as slowly as a world
I can't feel turn
things said and not heard
carry on conversations
I'm only here to witness
in the stillness
my heart grows irregular
beats in time with
an unresolved chaos
lost in the circular,
hopeless drag of analysis,
dawn creeps towards me
I drift off to dream
of letting go, of making room
for nothing to be done
Monday, May 27, 2019
Role with It
hero enables
histrionics
jester juggles
folks' lore
the lost two
turn their backs
cyclical origins
of organic
dysfunction
jester juggles
folks' lore
the lost two
turn their backs
cyclical origins
of organic
dysfunction
Saturday, May 25, 2019
No Consent
As a preface, I was thinking about doing an art piece of some type with this poem and cutting it into little slips of paper with separate "years" that women could take with them for things they identify with, remember or suffer for. One day I might; for now, it's obscure here on my blog.
NO CONSENT
9
we rode bikes on trails
in the park near the pool
as if they were horses;
our wild freedom
interrupted by an unforgettable man
"We used to ride here, too"
we paid polite attention
"Girls, watch for people,
I have to do something"
disappearing into bushes,
in the park near the pool
as if they were horses;
our wild freedom
interrupted by an unforgettable man
"We used to ride here, too"
we paid polite attention
"Girls, watch for people,
I have to do something"
disappearing into bushes,
he walked back onto the path
pale and pant-less,
as if they wanted to see it
pale and pant-less,
as if they wanted to see it
10
the two-piece strap slipped
from her shoulder
her body's betrayal
made her regret wearing it
their half-closed eyes smirked
smiles mouthed
"Hey girl, come over here"
the teeth flashed a warning
her feet backed out
to the safety of any distance
is a good distance
sand and mud slick
with the slime of decay
12
three stood in a triangle formation
blocked her with the confidence
of a well-studied play
diagrammed x's and arrows
"How much do you charge?"
asked the blue-eyed-blond
future girls' nightmare
her threat to tell enough
to make them stop
she'd never been kissed
13
the nervous neighbor,
father of three,
"Brains and Boobs!"
he shouted, as if
she should be proud
of both equally
19
Some Saturday night,
in the dorm, she
declined an offer
to go to his room
in the hallway of people
he yelled her ass was
the fattest he'd ever seen
20
It snowed,
21
It was Friday
He said he couldn't
She offered a
downstairs couch
Before the roofie
took her down
fingers to lips,
34
The technician came
Relieved when he finished,
50
It took hard work to forget
57
with the slime of decay
12
three stood in a triangle formation
blocked her with the confidence
of a well-studied play
diagrammed x's and arrows
"How much do you charge?"
asked the blue-eyed-blond
future girls' nightmare
her threat to tell enough
to make them stop
she'd never been kissed
13
the nervous neighbor,
father of three,
sweat a line of lust
above a drooling smile
"You're getting so tan"
on the path from the pool
she evaded invisible hands
her father ignored the obvious
15
two months of first love
when her family
planned to move
he thought she
should touch him
because of that
because she
was leaving
17
her round-shouldered
neighbor didn't date
some random weekend
she agreed to a movie
his braces gleamed in
the cave of his
mother's front seat
aggressive hands
revealed who he was
she regretted
above a drooling smile
"You're getting so tan"
on the path from the pool
she evaded invisible hands
her father ignored the obvious
15
two months of first love
when her family
planned to move
he thought she
should touch him
because of that
because she
was leaving
17
her round-shouldered
neighbor didn't date
some random weekend
she agreed to a movie
his braces gleamed in
the cave of his
mother's front seat
aggressive hands
revealed who he was
she regretted
ever being nice
18
she parked haphazardly
in the dark field of cars
at someone's house party
18
she parked haphazardly
in the dark field of cars
at someone's house party
she lost her keys
they'd only ever said
hello in hallways
he said he'd help
her find them
Van Halen filled the air
and Jamie was crying
and Jamie was crying
when he pushed her
to the ground
one beer, anger, and adrenaline
enough to throw him from her
her crab walk backward
found keys, an ancient instinct
placed each between her fingers
surprised/hurt/incredulous
he said he'd always liked her
18
At the floor party
she followed his
quick wit, impressive
vocabulary
to the ground
one beer, anger, and adrenaline
enough to throw him from her
her crab walk backward
found keys, an ancient instinct
placed each between her fingers
surprised/hurt/incredulous
he said he'd always liked her
18
At the floor party
she followed his
quick wit, impressive
vocabulary
"Brains and Boobs!"
he shouted, as if
she should be proud
of both equally
19
Some Saturday night,
in the dorm, she
declined an offer
to go to his room
in the hallway of people
he yelled her ass was
the fattest he'd ever seen
20
It snowed,
they celebrated
with strangers
with strangers
her friend left;
he offered a ride
In the morning
she pretended
nothing happened
nothing happened
she didn't look back
21
It was Friday
they celebrated
with strangers
her friend left;
he offered a ride
He said he couldn't
drive, could he stay?
She offered a
downstairs couch
Before the roofie
took her down
she caught a glimpse
as he crept in
fingers to lips,
his lime green
striped tube socks
and little-boy white briefs
glowed in the dark
flashed a neon warning
from her locked bathroom
the morning after,
she told him to leave
He called her office later
surprised/hurt/incredulous
that she wouldn't see him
Forgetting was harder
Four weeks later,
she had to remember
forced into a choice
forced, again
23
She had a single room
at the company party
at 3 am, her door opened
She had a single room
at the company party
at 3 am, her door opened
the second key to her room
a gift the sales manager
offered his young client,
dad to a newborn
he had nowhere to go
"We can just talk..."
her gut translated;
took her and everything
to the bathroom
snores meant safety
she fled to the
empty hotel lobby
She didn't
make waves
34
The technician came
to fix the basement drain
A congenial conversation
grew strange, she said
she'd wait upstairs and
fled the basement
Relieved when he finished,
she signed the receipt
Hated being nice
44
It was hard to forget;
It was hard to forget;
she worked on forgetting
50
It took hard work to forget
57
Me, too
58
I said no;
even when
I didn't
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Inheritance
too young
for fables
the innocent
sees truth
words
are not
necessary
to know
a child-self
envisions
powers
big enough
to slay away
whispers
wishes in
fevered,
fearful dreams
time tears
at the cloak
of love
no place
is safe;
longing arms
suffocate,
unfulfilled
the truth of it,
a lifelong tag;
scratches
at her neck
for fables
the innocent
sees truth
words
are not
necessary
to know
a child-self
envisions
powers
big enough
to slay away
whispers
wishes in
fevered,
fearful dreams
time tears
at the cloak
of love
no place
is safe;
longing arms
suffocate,
unfulfilled
the truth of it,
a lifelong tag;
scratches
at her neck
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