our hidden indiscretions
nut-browned skin, big eyes
a gap between our teeth
the better to bite them with
into the liquid sea,
we slipped so easily
our addiction for abandon
instinctual, secretive
felled by force, your
scarce nylons torn
one round heel broken
skirt askew in a corner
forearms, hips bruised
i know you know i do
felled by polite chemicals
clothing peeled from leaded limbs,
a plea before descent;
waking in a naked room
beaten in places not visible
you know me know you do
you would have liked
to have loved her better;
your silence a sentence
hers, a pain unintended
enough, you said, enough
no choice was your voice
i know you know i know you know
Wow. powerful!
ReplyDeleteMy friend, I have really downplayed this one - and have been so wanting to ask you and Nahaci for your input. I've been working on this one for a very long time. Is it incredibly evident? I tend to desire to hide behind the words, as you know.
DeleteI think that this poem is very strong. The title seems a double meaning and provokes thought. Keeps the reader off balance and engaged, the poem is something you can't look away from. So many great phrases: polite chemicals/leaded limbs...waking in a naked room/beaten in places not visible..... I catch the beat of i know you know.... But Thinking: the "i know you" lines need to be a little different/different place or not at all. I am reading this today as an assault against a friend, a secret that should have been voiced, two carry the secret in different ways, the burden heavy in both,loving you better would have meant speaking up, and the voice is coming from inside the circle. But when I first read this I read it as speaking to another, to a violent lover, to a friend perhaps, who should have loved her better, and you were writing from outside the circle. Don't stop or think that you've overworked this, I think it is only a beginning. I was just reading Koosers "Home Repair Manual"....and something he wrote makes me wonder what you want the reader to know about this poem/incident. This is an almost perfect poem. On my first read several months ago, the ambiguity was enough and the images of your poem floored me; on second read I want to understand it a little more. But don't loose those good lines. Please forgive me if I am totally off-base in my interpretation....above all, the sexuality and force and sheer poetry shine through!
ReplyDeleteYou are not at all off-base, Susie, and I love hearing what you think! Keep it coming - I have much more to say, and I appreciate you going deep into my work. I prefer relationships with those who are willing to say anything or ask. While I have no secrets, I need a push to say all of the things I'd like to. I think many of us experience extremely similar things, or if not - things that feel very much the same.
ReplyDelete