New Year's After

It's the end of December;

you arrive in dreams, father,

ever-punctual, assertive, persistant

For what better day for you to have left

than one you're sure we'll all remember;

new year's day belongs to you now

In this season of far-too-high expectations,

of forced and lost connections, we spend 

a manic, melancholy month pretending 

we're not preparing to say goodbye

Yours an annual, never-ending wake; 

established to ensure that our attention 

follow you into your version of the ever-after 

Was that what you intended? 

You appear before me, mute;

unable to share that you watch us 

as we battle our assigned roles, 

uneasy, but familiar 

I sense the discontent and restless ache

for your child bride and sons; 

victim, reluctant saint, and unlikely protege

still lost - unseen - in pursuit of 

what they think you think mattered 

I remain the fighter, 

weary with all the work left to do;

I serve as the one who sifts 

through all that you endured 

but never meant to pass on, 

the abuse, neglect and loss 

tangled in our threaded DNA 

Each year I understand more

what I can't fail to remember;

your path just one step away from,

mine one step more towards 

Father, I hear you -  

words are not necessary 

Your legacy becomes my 

try-and-try-again purpose 

to be all that you could not 

I read your lips -      

"forgiveness, humility,  

honesty, compassion," 

say goodbye, renewed