you arrive in dreams, father,
ever-punctual, assertive, persistant
For what better day for you to have left
than one you're sure we'll all remember;
new year's day belongs to you now
In this season of far-too-high expectations,
of forced and lost connections, we spend
a manic, melancholy month pretending
we're not preparing to say goodbye
Yours an annual, never-ending wake;
established to ensure that our attention
follow you into your version of the ever-after
Was that what you intended?
You appear before me, mute;
unable to share that you watch us
as we battle our assigned roles,
uneasy, but familiar
I sense the discontent and restless ache
for your child bride and sons;
victim, reluctant saint, and unlikely protege
still lost - unseen - in pursuit of
what they think you think mattered
I remain the fighter,
weary with all the work left to do;
I serve as the one who sifts
through all that you endured
but never meant to pass on,
the abuse, neglect and loss
tangled in our threaded DNA
Each year I understand more
what I can't fail to remember;
your path just one step away from,
mine one step more towards
Father, I hear you -
words are not necessary
Your legacy becomes my
try-and-try-again purpose
to be all that you could not
I read your lips -
"forgiveness, humility,
honesty, compassion,"
say goodbye, renewed
